“So, you live up this way too?”
The most miserable school day of Shinji’s life had finally ended, although the latter half of it wasn’t nearly as miserable as the former. Turns out, knowing someone had her back was enough to put her at ease, even if that someone was the emotionally stagnant Rei Ayanami. Shinji hadn’t invited her to walk home with her, yet found her trailing behind as she travelled. She had decided to try conversing with Rei again.
“Yes,” Rei replied.
“Cool! So that means we can hang out easily,” Shinji responded, before adding “...if you want to.”
“Yes,” Rei replied in an identical manner.
“...Did you want to?”
“Yes.”
Shinji shot Rei an odd look, her having repeated the same response in the same cadence multiple times. She really was a robot at that moment.
“Can you say anything other than yes?”
“When I feel like it.”
Shinji was satisfied with the slightly snarkier response – proof that there was a human operating Rei, if an incredibly muted one. The two continued up the street, closing in on the Ikari household.
“You’re really still following along… Did you want to hang out now?” Shinji mused.
“No, I just live this way.”
Their journey continued onwards, finally reaching Shinji’s street. She was surprised to see Rei still tailing along, wondering if she’d moved next door or somewhere close. After all, she’d recently seen a For Sale sign up in her neighbour’s yard… But now here she was, unlocking the door to her house, and she could still feel Rei’s presence behind her. With the door opened, she watched Rei walk past her, leaving her confused. She decided to follow along to see what was up.
In the kitchen she found her mother, Yui, surrounded by stacks of boxes labelled Ayanami. Rei shifted a seat from the dining room table to rest on, her blank expression giving away no clues as to what was happening in her head. Shinji was thoroughly befuddled at this point. At least her mother’s face animated with joy upon seeing her daughter enter the room.
“Oh Shinji!” Yui excitedly shouted before toning her voice down to something more reasonable. “I see you’ve brought Rei home with you! You two must’ve gotten acquainted!”
Shinji couldn’t catch what she was throwing, and responded with an exaggerated raise of her right brow.
“I forgot to tell you this morning, but this is Rei,” elaborated Yui. “She’s the daughter of a friend of mine. She’s come to stay with us on pretty short notice so I didn’t have much time to let you know…”
“Rei, did you know to meet with me?” asked Shinji. Rei shook her head in response.
“Did your parents not tell you that you’d be coming home with Shinji?”
“I was told to look for the boy named Ikari with the short hair,” explained Rei. “That’s not Shinji.”
Shinji’s mouth didn’t move, but the shine in her pupils said everything – that was one of the nicest things she had heard in a while, and the first time she’d been called a girl by someone her own age, even if not directly. Yui could see her eyes light up, and ruffled her daughter’s hair in response.
“Shin only started her transition recently, so they might not have caught up with the news,” pondered Yui. Or they had no faith in my daughter and me when I told them a month ago, she quietly added in her head. “Since you met up with her in the end, it doesn’t really matter now!”
“Where’s Rei gonna sleep though? We’re using all the rooms in the house already,” Shinji said after realising the predicament at hand.
“Well, I was thinking–” Yui replied, “Since you’re both girls, it would be fine for you to share a room!”
Shinji’s face bore a look of confusion; Rei’s face bore the same expression it had since she had walked in.
“That is… if that’s okay with you Rei?” Yui appended to her previous statement, realising she hadn’t consulted the person in question. Rei nodded in response, to her great relief.
But what about my stuff? Shinji wondered as the other two grabbed boxes to take to her room. She followed along, wondering how they were going to fit everything into her already packed room. She was surprised to see once they had reached her doorway that the entire contents of it had been shifted to one side, creating a visible border between her belongings and the naked floor of the other half. Yui dumped the box she was holding onto in that other half, and Rei followed.
“Your father kindly rearranged your room while you were at school today,” explained Yui. “So all of your stuff is still there! Just with the space for Rei too. I’m surprised he was able to do it so neatly with the extremely short notice we were given…”
“Where is father?” asked Shinji, realising she hadn’t spotted him at all.
“He’s out grabbing takeaway so I don’t have to cook tonight! It’ll make unpacking all this stuff go by a lot quicker.”
Typical. Her father seemed to always have reasons to be absent from home, especially since she had come out. Working late, helping a friend out, running night errands… It felt like he was avoiding any sort of contact with her at every possible moment. She hadn’t cared too much, as when he was home it was as if nothing changed, but at the back of her mind that was the problem – it was as if he was trying to avoid acknowledging the big change right in front of his eyes. What does he really–
Shinji’s train of thought was interrupted once again as she found both her mother and Rei staring at her idling self.
“Do you plan on standing there the whole time or would you like to help your new roommate move in?” Yui said in a commandeering tone of voice she typically saved for when Shinji was in trouble. Shinji got the hint, and quickly scuttled to the kitchen to pick up a box of her own.
The trio quickly transferred the boxes to the room, totalling eight of them. Each was loosely sealed with duct tape, their poor application barely holding each end closed. Whoever had packed these boxes had done it with no care for the contents, as the tape peeled off with little effort. As Shinji looked inside, she realised the boxes were in great excess – all were barely filled, with their contents haphazardly thrown in.
Rei, or whoever had packed her stuff for her, hadn’t stored much. Out of the boxes came a small stack of clothes, mostly her old school uniform; a collection of roughed up notebooks, worn stationery, and some basic toiletries. By the opening of the eighth box, Shinji was befuddled by a lack of any personal flair, and moreso by the fact that she seemed quite content with what had been delivered. Yui briefly left the room, before returning with a roll out futon and a small cabinet for Rei to place her things in. Even with all her belongings strewn over the floor, her side of the room was still bare and unwelcoming, a stark contrast to the now tightly packed and brightly coloured half Shinji retained domain over.
Before Shinji could ask Rei what was up with lack of stuff, she could hear the front door of her house creak open. Her father had finally arrived home.
Gendo sat with his back straight, his expression stern and his eyes aimed at end of the dining room. He was always a man of appearances, and part of that was making sure his posture was always in top form, even in a situation as casual as a family dinner of takeaway fried chicken. Sat at the sides were his wife Yui, his daughter Shinji, and new arrival Rei. While fast food didn’t typically call for the fine china, as it created the dishes to clean that it was meant to alleviate, Yui thought bringing them out for the occasion would help Rei feel more at home.
“Go on, grab yourself something to eat!” Yui gestured to Rei after she sat there for a period, motionless. She began to pick at the fries, but didn’t touch anything else.
“Are you not hungry?” Shinji asked her, leaning in from the other side of the table.
Rei silently turned to meet eyes with her. “I don’t eat meat.”
Yui dramatically slapped her forehead. “Goodness! I should’ve asked if you were vegetarian first… I’m so sorry Rei.”
“It’s okay,” Rei replied, still grabbing fries one by one. “It’s my fault for not telling you beforehand.”
“I don’t have anything specifically vegetarian in the fridge,” Yui continued while getting up from her chair, “but I can prepare you a salad if you’d like!”
Gendo suddenly rose from his own chair, his body coming to life after being in a state of near-stasis since sitting down. He indicated with his hands for his wife to sit back down, before a rare grin formed on his face.
“It’s all good,” he blurted in his deep, gravelly voice. “You’ve done enough helping Rei today. I can go prepare the salad.”
Rei nodded in acknowledgement. Gendo walked briskly to the fridge, and he grabbed out various salad stuffs before making quick work of them into smaller chunks on the nearby chopping board. He reached under the kitchen counter, finding a small bowl to dump the pieces in, before mixing them with some salad dressing. The process was surprisingly brief, and Rei had only grabbed a few more fries in the time it had taken Gendo to fix the salad for her. She began to pick at the salad instead, although with a lot more interest than she had the fries.
A pang of jealousy lit itself in Shinji’s subconsciousness. Her father had just gone more out of his way for a newcomer than he had for her in… well, she couldn’t remember a single time he had. And the smile! Her father rarely, if ever, smiled for her. It was a small collection of gestures, but they all slightly upset her nonetheless – the kind of upset she would store in the back of her mind, never to act upon.
Dinner was over as quickly as it began, with Rei quickly but gracefully devouring her salad and Shinji losing her appetite. Shinji ate just enough to not rouse suspicion, and excused herself back to her room, where she crashed onto her bed. Rei soon followed, sitting cross-legged onto her futon. She sat quietly, unmoving, like if she were in a meditative trance. The two remained still for a period of time.
“So why did you move in with us?” asked Shinji, trying to break the ice.
“I don’t know,” Rei responded.
“Okay, uh… where did you come from?”
“I lived in the area,” Rei answered. Shinji sat waiting for her to elaborate, but a follow-up never came.
“So… do you have any hobbies?”
“I like to draw.”
Finally! Something Shinji could learn about Rei. She decided to press further.
“Oh! That’s cool! What do you like to draw?”
Rei didn’t say anything, and instead reached for the stack of notebooks beside her, handing Shinji one of the books. As she flicked through the pages, she found them covered in nothing but drawings of mecha, ones that she seemed to recognise from somewhere but couldn’t recall exactly where from. They were intricately detailed, with some expertly shaded with pencil and others hatched with fine ink lines. Her eyes sparkled as she looked back up at Rei.
“These are so awesome Rei!” she shouted, barely containing her excitement. “Are they from a cartoon? They look familiar but I don’t remember where I’ve seen them before.”
“Thank you,” Rei replied, her eyebrows raising ever so slightly. “I like to draw what I see in my dreams.”
“Your dreams?” Shinji responded, confused.
“They’re not from a show,” Rei said as she side-stepped the obvious question laid out. Shinji decided not to ask again, as she thought she could hear a slight annoyance in Rei’s tone; she wondered why she got such a sense of familiarity from the designs. Rei handed her another notebook filled with more of them, this time painted with watercolour.
As she continued to gush over the art she noticed Rei’s mouth begin to curve upwards. It had taken all day, but she’d finally discovered that the girl had an expression other than neutral. Rei continued to say few words as she took in the endless compliments and dug through her pile, but Shinji swore she could hear a perk to her voice too. A smile formed on Shinji’s own face in response.
Eventually, Shinji hit the end of the last notebook. She sat on her bed staring at Rei, waiting for her to bring out something else.
“Is that all you’ve got?” asked Shinji, now invested in seeing more of her art.
“I ran out of books to draw in,” replied Rei, her face returning to neutrality.
Shinji thought for a second before responding. “I’m sure mother would be happy to take you shopping for more! She could get you some more clothes too, and you could get the school uniform so that the principal doesn’t get uppity about your outfit…”
Rei looked down at her sweater vest, before looking back up at Shinji. “Would you be coming along?”
“Well, uh…” Shinji began muttering under her breath, “I’m not… really… comfortable going out like this.”
“But you could purchase clothes that make you comfortable,” remarked Rei.
“I, uh, I’m– I’m good,” stuttered Shinji, struggling to come up with an excuse. “I have enough clothes already that– that work.”
“Did you already purchase those clothes?”
“Ye… n– no. My mother got the school uniform for me… and the rest are her hand-me-downs.”
“Then it would be good to have clothes that you picked yourself, then you will find them comfortable.”
“I– I really am good!”
Rei focused her eyes on Shinji, whose face had turned a bright shade of pink as she tried to break eye contact. A trickle of sweat beaded down her forehead, and Rei swore she could see the girl tremble a little before she fell back on her bed and let out a big sigh.
“I don’t want to humiliate myself,” she whispered meekly, before closing her eyes.
Before she could go comatose for the night, Shinji felt a bony hand clasp around her wrist, pulling her up from her slumped state. She opened her eyes again to see Rei dragging her out to the kitchen, where she spotted Yui washing the night’s dishes. Shinji didn’t bother protesting, although she let her body stay limp. They stopped at the foot of the dining room table as Rei let go of Shinji’s hand.
“Mrs Ikari, we would like to go clothes shopping,” Rei loudly announced to the one other person in the room.
Yui turned around with a surprised expression on her face, one that upped in intensity when she saw her daughter standing there (if begrudgingly).
“We?” Yui said, a tinge of confusion appended to her voice.
“Yes,” Rei elaborated, “Shinji and I.”
Yui looked at Shinji, whose eyes were directed at the floor.
“Is that true Shinji?” Yui asked, with more of a chirp to her voice.
Shinji let her body tense up again and looked up at her mother. She could see the same sparkle in Yui’s eyes that she had when Rei had referred to her as a girl earlier. And anyways, what harm could a shopping trip do? She thought to herself.
She took a second to let her confidence build up before speaking in a much happier tone: “Yeah, I’d love to!”
Yui almost knocked over the neatly laid plates onto the floor in her joy. Her face beamed as she rushed over to the duo in excitement, before gathering herself and neatly folding her arms behind her back while standing herself up straight.
“Oh that’s just lovely!” she cheerfully grinned. “I can drive you two down to the plaza on the weekend, and I’m sure I can lend you some money to spend too!”
Rei silently nodded in acknowledgement as Shinji let out a deep, steady breath. A weird sense of relief washed over her, despite how against the idea she had been at first. She really did need some clothes of her own, because as nice as it was for her mother to have donated some of her old clothes, they weren’t her. But even then… she still shook at the thought of presenting female publicly, in an environment she had no control over.
The two returned to their room after Yui had arranged a time that weekend – she was a very punctual woman, and she had a work schedule to uphold. As Shinji sat back down on her bed, she realised her skin had gone as pale as Rei’s. Rei seemed to take notice as well.
“Was I too forceful?” Rei asked, her face and tone still stone cold but her intentions caring. “I apologise if I was too forward.”
“No, don’t apologise, it’s okay,” countered Shinji, “I really needed that. It’s just… well, a lot of people out there don’t like people like me.”
Rei’s expression remained unchanged. “Like what?”
“Like…” Shinji began to motion her hands towards herself. “A lot of people out there don’t perceive me as a girl.”
“I perceive you as a girl.”
“But not everyone does…” Shinji’s voice trailed off as she turned to face her wall. “... and the people who don’t might hurt me.”
“Then I will protect you.”
Shinji looked back at Rei. She was physically quite small, and her body was practically nothing but skin and bones; her off-white skin was baked with the history of a person who rarely went outside. Yet, she had somehow dragged Shinji’s limping body along without struggle. Maybe she wasn’t lying; Shinji appreciated the thought regardless.
“Thank you, Ayanami,” she whispered through a smirk.
Rei gave Shinji her second smile of the day, before leaving the room. Shinji noticed the time right after – it was getting late, and they still had school in the morning. Four more days of it until the weekend, in fact. Four glorious, wonderful days.
Shinji’s face fell flat once again as she pondered if tomorrow would be as terrible as today had been.